Brian Larter ([info]mrlarter) wrote,
2005-05-11 22:38:00
Why is it that being a nice guy in general makes you appear to be desperate? Why is it that respecting a person of the opposite sex and treating them like a person is a bad thing? Why is it that not basing an attraction on looks the wrong thing to do? why do women find the "bad boy" more attractive then the good boy? why is it that being abused and treated badly better then being respected and treated well?

bah these are the questions I guess that every guy would like to have answered.

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  • 49 comments

[info]dinonat

May 12 2005, 01:44:46 UTC 7 years ago

Women like men who are outgoing, confident, and self assured. Unfortunately, nice guys rarely have these attributes. Jerks usually do. They're also jerks. It's best to find a guy who's only sort of a jerk, but knows when to be nice on occasion.

[info]ex_changed176

May 12 2005, 01:55:43 UTC 7 years ago

I agree! A lot of it has to do with confidence. That's something that can definitely be developped.

[info]dinonat

7 years ago

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[info]ex_changed176

7 years ago

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[info]crazy_libra

May 12 2005, 15:37:21 UTC 7 years ago

Like me! I'm a nice jerk :P

[info]childofcrow

May 12 2005, 01:48:05 UTC 7 years ago

I have no idea why women like the 'bad boy'. Personally, give me a nice guy over any asshole. Not all girls go for the 'bad boy' archetype.

As to why they do? I have no idea. Same reason that I don't understand why some people search out or put themselves in abusive relationships.

[info]frozentruth

May 12 2005, 01:57:06 UTC 7 years ago

Delusion, it all comes down to delusion.

Once delusion is cleared women will surely flock to fellows like us. ;)

[info]sionn

May 12 2005, 02:26:42 UTC 7 years ago

Ah yes, the promised bounty of bitter, resentful, spent women, riddled with STDs and carrying huge chips on their shoulders.

Enjoy.

[info]frozentruth

7 years ago

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[info]sionn

7 years ago

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[info]frozentruth

7 years ago

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[info]dinonat

7 years ago

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[info]frozentruth

7 years ago

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[info]dinonat

7 years ago

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[info]frozentruth

7 years ago

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[info]dinonat

7 years ago

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[info]frozentruth

7 years ago

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[info]dinonat

7 years ago

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[info]frozentruth

7 years ago

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[info]dinonat

7 years ago

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[info]frozentruth

7 years ago

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[info]udolpho

May 12 2005, 02:04:39 UTC 7 years ago

its because the vast majority of human beings still run on monkey brains. monkey brains are ingrained to accept the alpha male as the biggest, meanest brute, who beats up all the other guys and gets all the girls. a select few in humanity have moved beyond the monkey brain, into a more cultured, sensitive, intelligent human brain, where people are judged by kindness and intelligence, but this is a very rare trait. and even those who have the human brain trait dont necessarily have it 100% -- hence good people are still confused by good looks, hot chicks and bad boys. dont feel bad, people, if you still have a monkey brain. you didnt ask for it. and for those who have the human brain.... theres not much we can do about that either, is there? one can only hope that in the end the monkeys dont win. but if you want to get cynical... it does seem like the monkeys are winning out. lets just hope that as the monkey brained people multiply, their children evolve into human brained people. either more and more people will evolve this way, or else the sensitive person is some kind of genetic blip that will soon be erased, and end our suffering.

[info]mrlarter

May 12 2005, 02:07:29 UTC 7 years ago

once again the solution to lifes problems include a monkey in some way...go monkey!!! or wait no...bad monkey!

[info]sionn

May 12 2005, 02:25:13 UTC 7 years ago

According to the presentation I saw a while back (which taught me nothing, but it allows me to attach Phds to my theories) it comes down to two things: challenge and biology. The attraction to bad boys isn't that they're bad, although as stated above, the confidence that often accompanies it is attractive, it's that bad boys present a challenge that "good" guys don't. It's no acchievement to get a good guy to like you, but if you can get a bad boy to be good to you, you must be really special, right? This is how the mind works.

The second thing is genetics. The stereotypical bad boy tends to be a good looking, strong, active guy. That's what's attractive (plus the challenge), not treating the girl like crap. If a guy does that, but he isn't good looking, active, and charming, then he's a loser, not a bad boy, and no one is interested.

People are attracted to looks because back in the day, physical, and particularly facial symmetry, was a good indicator of a person's health, and, by extension, their desireability as the other half of a child. So symmetry became the standard of beauty, and it remains so today. There are lots of studies you can look at on this, if you're interested.

Good genes do not equal a good parent or mate necessarily, and that's where problems arise. And that's probably why a significant number of men are unknowingly raising children that are not biologically their's. The mother got the genes she wanted from the other guy, and the support she needed from the "father."

Is it fair? I guess not. But it's the way things are, and have been for as far back as anyone can figure. Chalk it up to a monkey brain if you want, but that kind of bitterness really won't help you in the long-run.

[info]mrlarter

May 12 2005, 09:49:28 UTC 7 years ago

I think you've told me this before and I agreed.

[info]sionn

7 years ago

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[info]blackturtleneck

May 12 2005, 03:05:12 UTC 7 years ago

I don't have time to answer your question as in depth as I'd like to so for now, read this for a general idea of what I would have said.

[info]quotation

May 12 2005, 06:36:18 UTC 7 years ago

And, for the same advice from a different direction: http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/

[info]archbuskiat

May 12 2005, 16:57:54 UTC 7 years ago

original poster is full of shit(ty reproduction strategies)

*applause* that link expressed all my feelings more concisively on the matter than I could without resorting to a pie chart.

[info]blackturtleneck

May 12 2005, 03:14:39 UTC 7 years ago

And more specifically... this.

[info]uber_wench

May 12 2005, 04:17:29 UTC 7 years ago

Thanks so much for linking that! I was coming here to do it myself. I'm a Heartless Bitch from waaaaaay back!

[info]blackturtleneck

7 years ago

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[info]mrlarter

7 years ago

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[info]mrlarter

May 12 2005, 09:38:25 UTC 7 years ago

its always nice to know I have supportive friends like you who feel that any relationship issues I've had are all my fault. thanks :)

[info]blackturtleneck

7 years ago

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[info]mrlarter

7 years ago

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[info]uber_wench

7 years ago

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[info]mrlarter

7 years ago

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[info]younyourcronies

May 12 2005, 05:44:07 UTC 7 years ago

Well, a large reason can be attributed to the something adequately summed up in an earlier comment someone made: the vast majority of human beings still run on monkey brains. 85% of this country bonds over television; their ideas and concepts of relationships are fed to them via the idiot box; and lastly, and I wholly subscribe to this theory - many females (and perhaps males, I just don't have the outside perspective to really know) don't actually want "happiness," not in the same sense we use the term. The idea of the "chase" being over, of the great, end-all-be-all search for companionship actually coming to a close - this is much more like an inevitable point in time that will one day put a stop to their emotional irrationalities, self-evasions, and deflections of consequence; a apt analogy will be the old cartoon metaphor of the day death rings the doorbell and is there waiting on the front doorstep. From my experience, however, males see it as a chance to finally put all that nonsense behind us; not the day we have to regretfully give it up. Read Dave Sim. Sure, you'll be called a mysoginist, but you'll find frank discussion that makes the age-old mythical, misconstrued-by-homophobia idea of male bonding a refreshing reality. And, from time to time, I've been told, that in mystic, magical places that I have yet to find, females exist who agree with some of what he says, and even some who aren't terrified of contentment, happiness, or themselves.

[info]mrlarter

May 12 2005, 09:51:44 UTC 7 years ago

just a quick question. how did you find my journal? I always find it interesting when people out side my friends circle comment.

anyway thanks for the info. I am starting to agree mostly with the monkey brain idea that people are still just set in their ways and have not eveolved with the rest of society.

[info]sionn

7 years ago

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[info]younyourcronies

7 years ago

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[info]moonkittycat

May 12 2005, 14:11:05 UTC 7 years ago

"i am old"

(lyrics and 'theme' borrowed from cat stevens "father and son")

and have watched for many years. i agree with the monkeybrain theory. instinct directs us, as women, to 'choose', as mate, the best provider ~ergo the nice guy~ because he is less likely to stray. and will provide. but the bad boys are what we want. end of story.
and oh man! if i had a bleedin nickel for everytime i have heard the phrase "I AM UNIQUE" from a feller, i could retire in jamaica, man!
btw it's coyote's fawlt i am here. hehheh

[info]dinonat

May 12 2005, 17:03:59 UTC 7 years ago

On a completely unrelated note, I found this: http://www.livejournal.com/community/goodbyescissors/51737.html#cutid1
Instructions on how to make fairy wings. I know you were lookign for directions earlier. This design is really really nice.

[info]n0man

May 12 2005, 18:19:02 UTC 7 years ago

I guess today is stupid day, because I'm usually smart enough to avoid these kinds of discussions like the plague. Ah, well. Here we go ...

This whole discussion is based on a couple of false premises. First false premise: being nice makes you look desperate. Being nice and being desperate have nothing to do with each other. I have it on good authority that being nice is attractive. Being desperate isn't, but I wonder if that's even what's hamstringing you. Posts like this, and others you have written suggest to me that you have issues with women in general, and I don't mean that you dislike them, or are angry with them, or any such other bullshit. When you write about gender stuff, it's like women a whole different species to you. Despite some physical differences, we really are the same.

Second false premise: women like guys who aren't nice. Lots of guys date women that are just awful to them, so it isn't a women thing. More importantly, people who date others that aren't nice are doing it despite that fact, not because of it.

I guess if I could leave you with some advice, it would be that if you aren't attractive to a certain person then it's a matter of chemistry, but if you aren't attractive in general then it's a problem with you, and the sooner you take a really uncompromising look at yourself, the sooner you can get to work fixing it. This seems to have been going on for awhile and with more than one person, so it's probably a problem with you. Start digging! Nothing else will help.

[info]badcomix

May 12 2005, 19:03:41 UTC 7 years ago

Girls are stupid, so I guess they start by going for guys who are "outgoing" enough to let them know they are attractive, typically bad boys, found in clubs and bars and other public places. My brother is a "bad boy" and girls are ALL over him. But they're all really stupid girls with no self esteems who look for guys to tell them they are hot.

Later on in life (some) girls mature and realize that they're wasting their time with these idiots. So they look for someone who can be with them long term. They look for other better qualities, and look for a best friend rather than a fling.

It's good to be a good guy. I don't think you should worry about it so much. You are at a more mature level than a lot of guys and it just takes most women some time to smarten up. You'll find someone at some point and she'll be just the right person for you.

[info]uber_wench

May 13 2005, 00:54:51 UTC 7 years ago

This will sum it up for everyone: "Boys is dumb, chicks is nuts."

[info]mrlarter

May 13 2005, 00:57:16 UTC 7 years ago

I agree full heartidly

[info]udolpho

May 13 2005, 20:57:49 UTC 7 years ago

hahaha -- good call
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